You need to learn your partner's love language

Updated: 2016-09-20 07:09

By Yang Yang(China Daily)

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Yang Yang, a Shanghai resident who had premarital counseling with her fiance in 2013

We had known each other for three years and thought we knew each other fairly well. Surprisingly, the premarital counseling lifted our mutual understanding to new heights, and we learned new ways of communicating that we believe will benefit us for a lifetime.

Through the sessions we got to know that there are five ways of expressing love: affirmative words, quality time, giving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. However, everybody expresses their love in different ways, and the way you do so may not be what your partner prefers.

You need to learn your partner's love language

For example, at one time, my husband and I had tight work schedules for several months. When I got home every day, I began cooking while my husband played computer games. We were dissatisfied with each other, so we had a hard time.

After several days we had a talk, and I realized that I wanted him to show his love for me by sharing some of the household duties and he wanted me to show my love for him by spending time relaxing with him after work.

After learning what we both expected, we changed the way we expressed our love and agreed to spend an hour together on housework and another on computer games to satisfy both our needs. Now, the feeling of intimacy is greatly enhanced.

It's really important to know the sort of love language each of us prefers, because it ensures that we show our love in the way our partners are most likely to understand. That helps to dispel misconceptions, such as one partner thinking they've done so much, but the other doesn't cherish their dedication.

The counseling also taught us that people have different perceptions of the same thing and information shrinks a little when being transferred. So when we talk to each other, we try to express our thoughts openly and get to the point instead of leaving the other speculating.

Yang Yang Spoke With Zhou Wenting