China

More seniors trying to cope with a new family structure

By Liu Lu (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-10-15 10:58

BEIJING - Cai Chunhua, a 57-year-old retired teacher, boards a bus in Beijing's Fengtai district every morning with no destination in mind.

Contrary to the mad rush of commuters, the widow leisurely boards the first bus that arrives. And then, she just sits there, taking the bus the full route back to her home: A three-hour remedy to loneliness.

She said she learned this routine from other elderly people. To her, the commute enables her to kill time and "witness the changes of the metropolis".

As the Double Ninth Festival rolls out on Saturday, loneliness might be a thing of the past, temporarily at least, for Cai and other elderly people in China. The festival, which falls on the ninth day of the ninth month of the Chinese lunar calendar, is a traditional holiday to celebrate the golden harvest in autumn and the elderly. Pairing the numeral nine signifies longevity, so the festival has become a special day for people to pay their respects to the elderly. More importantly, it's a time for family gatherings.

After her retirement two years ago, Cai moved from her hometown of Guanghan in Southwest China's Sichuan province, to Beijing, where her only son lives and works.

Although she now lives with her son and his wife, she often feels emptiness. She said she cannot help but miss her hometown.

"I have very few friends in Beijing," she said. "I often feel lonely and have no one to talk to after my son and his wife leave for work every day."

In answering what she expects for the Double Ninth Festival, she said in a bit agitated tone that her only wish is for her son's company. She said he works as a salesman and often has to work overtime, even on weekends.

Cai's simple wish represents the desires of a large group of elderly Chinese. Some are financially independent with a retirement pension, but most would admit that they are lonely and depressed.

Cai said an expensive gift is not a substitute for filial comfort, such as a reunion with their children who have been busy with work during the week, or a phone call from their children living far away.

"I hope to take a trip with my son and daughter-in-law during the festival, such as admiring the red maples at the Fragrant Hills Park. Nothing is more interesting than spending time with the family," she said.

Family is the bedrock of Chinese society. But social changes are testing those bonds. Young adults are leaving their hometowns - and in many cases, the country - in search of jobs or an education. The migration has gradually reshaped families and has increased the number of empty nesters, or parents whose children have grown up and left home.

Most empty nesters used to be around the ages of 60 to 80. But over the past decade, more and more parents between the ages of 40 and 60 are now empty nesters.

A survey by China Research Center on Aging shows that nearly 20-30 percent of homes in large urban cities are empty nests. In small towns, the percentage is as high as 40 percent.

Another survey by China National Committee on Aging said empty nesters account for half of China's 167 million senior citizens aged 60 and above.

In China's rapidly aging society, more and more attention is being paid to empty nesters. Many empty nesters who China Daily spoke to said they long for the company of their children and that family reunions are few and far between. This has fueled their depression and loneliness.

But there is a growing number of them actively coping with change to the traditional family structure by seeking some funs for their dull lives.

"My parents are both over 60 years old, they feel lonely because my younger sister and I are both not at home. They require us to make a call every other day. Sometimes, they will be worried if we forget to call them," said 32-year-old Jane Chen, who works for an information technology company in Hong Kong, far from her hometown in Shandong in East China. Her sister is now working in Shanghai.

Chen said her parents have recently developed ways to combat their loneliness.

"They couldn't get used to it at first, but they soon managed to get over it by picking up their old hobbies, such as dancing and playing Chinese chess with friends," she said. "The regular hobbies and gatherings with friends made their lives more interesting."

Chen added that expensive travel expenses, including round-trip airfare, along with pressures at work allow both sisters to return home only on long holidays.

After spending a long time to adapt to the quick pace of life in Beijing, Cai is now considering some new and positive measures to replace taking bus rides over and over again. She also agreed that friendship is the best medicine for loneliness for senior citizens. Therefore, she plans to make more friends of her age in her community and rediscover her hobbies of knitting and needlework.

But Cai said her biggest wish is to have a grandchild soon. She said she would be delighted to transform herself into a full-time babysitter, which may make her feel useful as she knows her son needs her help to look after a child.

China Daily