Life and Leisure

A different kind of family

By Shi Yingying (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-11-09 08:00

Wu Youjian, the first mother to openly support her gay son on Chinese television, in 2005, and founder of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays in China, talks to participants during the recent gay festival, Shanghai Pride. Provided to China Daily

Shanghai Pride shines the light on friends and families of gays and lesbians. Shi Yingying reports

Sixty-four-year-old Xu Dexiu and 49-year-old Mei (surname only) were special guests at the country's second gay festival, Shanghai Pride. They came on stage to express support for their gay sons.

"I accept it, because I love him," said Mei proudly in front of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community, on the concluding day of this three-week event on Nov 6.

The Sichuan native came to Shanghai three years ago, to live with her 25-year-old son Wang Chen and his boyfriend Jerry Chen.

Wang, who came out five years ago, says: "Mom regards both of us as her sons. She calls us 'my boys'."

The two mothers were joined by 13 other family members, friends and colleagues of gays and lesbians for a special program of Shanghai Pride, called Family Day.

"I wish more people could have come here, not only because we want public attention, but also because we gays take traditional family values more seriously than most people assume," says Tang Zhicheng, organizer of Family Day.

"Though we only had 15 people on stage this time, I believe next year we will have more," he says.

His cousin Jacky Tang still remembers how surprised he was when he came to know about Tang Zhicheng's sexual orientation, in 1989. "My first reaction was to convince him that he could turn straight, but after I saw the pain he was going through and the fact that he had talked it through with his psychiatrist, I was on his side," he says.

He not only showed his support by appearing at Shanghai Pride with his wife, but also helped talk to Tang's parents. "Different generations have different thoughts about this sensitive issue. For the older generation, it is more like being forced into acceptance, but those like my 29-year-old wife, have no problem with it."

Talking about his impressions of Shanghai Pride as a straight man, Jacky says he did not expect the gathering to be so grand.

The 2010 edition, that ran for three times longer than 2009's inaugural one, included parties, panel discussions, art exhibitions and a gay film festival.

"I thought it would be a private party among the LGBT community. If had known (how grand it would be), I would have come earlier."

All of Family Day's participants say they came to know about it from the online group Out in Shanghai, founded recently by Tang.

Out in Shanghai, he says, discusses topics such as "how to tell my parents I'm gay or lesbian" and "how to maintain a long-lasting relationship".

"I want to emphasize that being gay means more than looking for liberation," he says. "China is the most family-oriented nation in the world, and we're part of it."

Kenneth Tan, one of Shanghai Pride's organizers, says, "There is a huge desire for something more in the gay community. The event is about getting the community to come out as a whole."

The gay film festival was a highlight of the second annual festival. "It was unfortunate that our film festival was canceled last year, but I'm happy that eight of the 10 films shown this year were made by Chinese and talk about gay and lesbian lives," says curator Fan Popo, also head of Beijing LGBT Center.

His own documentary Chinese Closet focuses on 10 gays and lesbians who came out and explored their family ties. "It was never easy for us," Fan says. "Most often in China, when we come out, it means our parents have to go into the closet - to hide the identities of their sons and daughters from friends and family."