Life and Leisure

Lend me your ears

By Chen Yingying (China Features)
Updated: 2010-11-16 07:56

At 62, Lu Qin, the former columnist for "Caring Sister" is still there for children and teens, someone to whom they can open their hearts. Liang Baohai / Asia News Photos

 

Both rural and urban adolescents, left behind or alone by their fortune-seeking parents find solace in "Caring Sister". Chen Yingying from China Features reports

He Xin'ao, 9, has difficulty falling asleep at night. He often thinks about his father and worries about his studies and exams. "I miss my dad. We live together, but I seldom see him," complains the third grader from Zhangjiakou, Hebei province.

The boy's father, He Qinsong, a civil servant, is often off to work before Xin'ao gets up, and returns only after the boy has fallen asleep.

"I leave notes for him or ask mom to text him and tell him how much I want him to spend time with me. Sometimes, dad has to work even at the weekends."

The boy spends most of his time with his mother. But, he says, "my mom is a math and Chinese teacher. She is so busy checking her students' assignments that we barely talk to each other".

Most of the time, he plays and reads by himself. "I feel lonely, looking at the sky at night, hoping my dad will come home earlier, hoping someday we can play games or football," he says.

Sometimes he asks his grandpa to take him out. "One day, we spent a whole afternoon riding buses all over town. It was boring, but at least I didn't feel lonely."

He Xin'ao is one of numerous lonely Chinese children longing for a companion, someone who will be a good listener.

A recent nationwide survey of children's psychological health by the Zhixin Jiejie Education Service Center at China Children's Press & Publishing Group shows that 31.75 percent of 20,870 respondents in elementary and middle schools in 10 provinces and cities said they have no one to confide in.

While 49.53 percent were willing to talk to their peers, only 26.73 percent said they wanted to talk to their parents.

The children said they usually wrote diaries or blogs, chatted online and talked to themselves. Only 38.91 percent ticked face-to-face conversation as their preferred means of communication.

"The survey shows the mental state of our children is worrying, as their voices are not heard," says Lu Qin, 62, a retired newspaper columnist.

Zhixin Jiejie, or "Caring Sister" was the title of a column that was created by the Chinese Teenagers News (CTN) in 1960.

Lu was a fan of the column as a teenage girl, and in 1979, she joined the newspaper. Three years later, she took over the column.

Working with a group of editors, she would answer questions children raised in letters to the column.

In the 1980s, Lu came out from behind the "caring sister" identity to listen to the children face-to-face, and speak for them.

"Society should listen to children more attentively and try to understand them," Lu says.

She built upon the column by establishing the Caring Sister Education Service Center, which includes the Caring Sister Psychological Counseling Center, the Caring Sister Hotline and the Caring Sister Summer Camp.

The center recently set up a "Listen to the Children" event to mark 50 years of the column in Beijing.

"We want to help children with their problems and promote their relationships with parents and friends," says Zhu Wei, director of the center.

Fifty-seven children from nine cities were invited to Beijing to share their concerns and stories with other children, parents and teachers.

"Zhixin Jiejie knows me better than my parents," says Kang Yuanfei.

The 14-year-old from Baoji, northwest Shaanxi province, has lived with his grandma since he was 8, when his farmer-parents left to work in a factory in Beijing.

Once a year Kang's parents take the 20-hour train ride to see him and his brother in their rural home.

Like He Xin'ao, Kang misses his father so much that he often wants to cry. "I cannot cry in school, because I would be not be considered a man," Kang says.

"I cannot cry in front my parents either. I don't want to make them sad or worried. But I feel free, and relieved when I talk to Zhixin Jiejie. I can speak out loud and cry about my pain," he says, bursting into tears.

At a family reunion in Beijing, his father bought him a roast chicken. Telling Kang he did not like chicken, he told his son to eat it all.

Kang did as told, leaving the chicken bones on the table. Later he saw his dad chewing on those very bones. "I was heartbroken," he says.

Although children growing up in urban areas are also faced with loneliness, they have to grapple with a different set of issues.

Most of them use QQ, an instant communication tool like ICQ, to interact with their peers.

According to a 2009 study by China Youth Association, 14.1 percent of more than 100 million Chinese adolescents are "addicted" to the Internet. They spent most of their time on online games and QQ.

"My parents compare me with others, to judge if I am good enough. This hurts me," says 12-year-old Feng Shuying from Guangzhou. "They criticize me for not making good use of my time because I use QQ."

The daughter of a teacher at Guangdong University of Foreign Studies, Feng has time only on weekends to hang out with a few classmates. "The rest of the time we use QQ to discuss homework," she says. "Not to chitchat like my parents think."

Although urban children too can contact the Caring Sister Center, "the Internet seems more attractive to them today. It's faster and more informative", Lu says. "That might be one reason why so many children prefer sharing their worries with friends on QQ instead of with their parents."

However, she points out, some information could mislead children if they are unable to judge the truth.

But Zhang Jie, from Communication University of China, says "media literacy education, introduced to China in 1997, is helping children analyze critically messages they receive from and send to various media like radio, or the Internet".

He Xin'ao, who likes to debate time travel and Einstein's theories with his friends says, "I only use the Internet to do my research. I want to be a scientist but I think the first thing is to have the money for research."

Surprisingly, making big money is what this 9-year-old and his classmates usually talk about at school. "We worry, because we've learned from TV news that it will be difficult to get a job for many years to come."

He says he gets nervous before school exams. "If I get a bad score, my mother will scold me. Maybe even hit me."

Many of his classmates take seven or eight tuition classes at weekends, and his parents are too busy to spend any time with him.

"Since I have nobody to talk to, my days are boring. But I'm happy because there is Caring Sister, to whom I can always open my heart," he says.