China's male leftovers and what they can do about it

要摆脱剩男处境，是应该付出真心，还是苦练搭讪技巧?

It is estimated that, by 2020, there will be more than 30 million bachelors in China. While the majority fall under the category of the economically "disadvantaged" in remote rural areas, there is another group of urban bachelors who are emotionally "disadvantaged".

These unfortunate men are referred to as "Average Frustrated Chumps" (受挫的拙男 shòu cuò de zhuō nán) or AFCs, referring to a good guy who tries his hardest to woo a prospective lover, but is repeatedly rejected. In contrast to AFCs, "Pickup Artists" (搭讪艺术家 dāshàn yìshùjiā) or PUAs, hawk their prey and stand without equal in the art of seduction.

On online forums, a frustrated AFC usually seeks advice by publishing a "help wanted" post (求助帖 qiúzhù tiē):

I have been dating a girl for two months who I met on a blind date. She seems indifferent to me, however. What should I do?

Xiāngqīn rènshi de měiméi, zhuīle liǎng gè yuè, duì wǒ bù lěng bù rè, zěnme bàn? Gèwèi yǒu shénme hǎo jiànyì? Zhēnchéng qiújiào

相亲认识的美眉，追了两个月，对我不冷不热，怎么办？各位有什么好建议？真诚求教！

If you meet your type of girl, you can also try a few useful pick-ups as greetings to increase your chances of success:

Hi, I have been paying attention to you for quite a while. You seem very special. It's surely fate that I've run into you in a metropolis as huge as Beijing. I would have regretted it if I hadn't walked up and said hello to you, so please excuse my bluntness. I hope to make friends with you.

Nǐ hǎo, wǒ zài pángbiān zhùyì nǐ hěnjiǔle, juéde nǐ hěn tèbié. Běijīng zhème dà, yùjiàn shì yī zhǒng yuánfèn, wǒ xiǎng rúguǒ bùguò lái gēn nǐ dǎ gè zhāohū, jīntiān hěn kěnéng huì hòuhuǐ. Màomèi guòlái, xīwàng rènshi nǐ.

你好，我在旁边注意你很久了，觉得你很特别。北京这么大，遇见是一种缘分，我想如果不过来跟你打个招呼，今天很可能会后悔。冒昧过来，希望认识你。

It's wonderful to meet you. I love to have surprises in my life.

Rènshi nǐ hěn kāixīn, wǒ xǐhuan zhèyàng yǒu jīngxǐ de shēnghuó.

认识你很开心，我喜欢这样有惊喜的生活。

I forgot to ask, what's your QQ number?

Duìle, wàngle wèn, nǐ de QQ hào shì duōshǎo?

对了，忘了问，你的QQ号是多少？

After getting the QQ number, you can start chatting with the girl online as a warm-up. You can either start by commenting on her QQ avatar:

Your QQ avatar looks attractive.

Nǐ de QQ xiù tóuxiàng zhēn piàoliang.

你的QQ秀头像真漂亮。

Or play a small trick by deliberately asking:

You: Do you remember me?

Hái jìde wǒ ma?

你：还记得我吗？

Girl: Who are you? Sorry, I don't remember.

Nǐ shì shuí? Bù hǎoyìsi, bù jìdéliǎo.

女孩：你是谁？不好意思，不记得了。

You: I am the person who just started a conversation with you a second ago.

Wǒ jiùshì qián yī miǎo hé nǐ dāshàn de rén a.

你：我就是前一秒和你搭讪的人啊。

If the girl does not respond, she is sending a negative signal that you have been "shot" (打枪 dǎqiāng), which is PUA vocabulary for being turned down with an immediate, impolite refusal.

But sometimes a woman resorts to a more polite way of declining a man's advances by suggesting:

Girl: You are a good guy. Let's just be friends.

Nǐ zhè rén tǐng hǎo de, wǒmen jiù zuò péngyǒu ba.

女孩：你这人挺好的，我们就做朋友吧。

This indicates that she has no interest in you. So if you are issued "a good guy card" (好人卡 hǎorén kǎ), you should take the message that you have failed to attract the girl.

Girl: You are a good guy. But I'm really sorry. I have no feelings for you.

Nǐ shìgè hǎorén, dàn hěn bàoqiàn, wǒ duì nǐ méi gǎnjué

女孩：你是个好人，但很抱歉，我对你没感觉。

Girl: You are indeed an excellent guy, but I'm afraid we are just not right for each other. I am grateful that fate has brought us together, so let's just be friends. I hope you find your Mrs. Right as soon as possible.

Nǐ quèshí hěn yōuxiù, dàn kěnéng wǒmen bù shìhé. Rènshi yěshì yī chǎng yuánfèn, wǒmen jiù jiāo gè péngyǒu ba. Yuàn nǐ zǎorì zhǎodào shìhé nǐ de nàgè tā.

女孩：你确实很优秀，但可能我们不适合。认识也是一场缘分，我们就交个朋友吧。愿你早日找到适合你的那个她。

However, some AFC-turned PUAs go to the opposite extreme by boasting the number of girls they have successfully seduced, which violates the original intention of learning the art of picking up, that is, to win the heart of one's beloved and start a long-term serious relationship.

As a former PUA broods over his latest failure in love, "If there is no sincerity in a relationship, you don't feel heartbroken when it ends, but you won't enjoy the feeling of happiness in the relationship."

Indeed, some PUAs are so used to playing games with various girls and changing partners frequently that they end up in a crisis of sincerity.

For a PUA, while it is easier to practice techniques and apply them skillfully, the real challenge is to be clear about what he really wants and not to get lost on the way.

Courtesy of The World of Chinese,

www.theworldofchinese.com

The World of Chinese

(China Daily 04/12/2013 page17)