Communication can ease parental pressure
Updated: 2016-11-11 07:45
By Song Qingjia(China Daily)
Song Qingjia, a psychologist who has worked extensively in Beijing and Hebei province
The more singles communicate with their parents, the less pressure they will come under and it will be easier for them to find a life partner.
Traditionally, parents have a fixed timetable for marriage and babies. They see it as their duty to help their children get married, just as it was to raise them.
That means they may become depressed or anxious if their child isn't married by the "right" time, and those feelings may be exacerbated if neighbors and relatives frequently question them or gossip about the issue.
So they convey that pressure to their children in the form of questions, nagging, pleading, setting up blind dates and even scolding.
That's where the marriage pressure on singles comes from.
Some singles who want to find a life partner and know the best time for giving birth remain single because they have yet to meet anyone suitable.
They are trying, but their parents don't see that, they simply think the child is ignoring them, resisting, avoiding and escaping from the pressure.
The more the child avoids the issue, the stronger the parental pressure will become. Parents and children have the same goal; they just aren't able to combine their efforts.
Singles need to calmly and clearly convey their feelings to their parents to let them know that their "leftover kid" is trying as hard as they are. Parents will not feel as anxious if they are on the same page as their children in terms of relationships.
For their part, parents should just offer advice about the person their child should marry and when. They should also be careful not to order, force, or nag because that will just place more pressure on the child.
As a result, children are likely to be more amenable to their parents' suggestions, which will help to form a virtuous circle.
Singles should discuss matters with their parents, and even ask for help, and parents should show greater understanding and patience.
Moreover, in these modern, busy times, singles should actively find opportunities to meet with potential dates.
Although it's a little absurd nowadays, xiangqin - blind dates - are safer and reliable than other matchmaking platforms, such as dating apps.
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